Addicted to Curiosity

Enough about feedback. Feedback is dead. Long live feedback! Here's some feedback for you: feedback is a waste of time. Let's move on, feedback is so 20th Century! I think it's a wart on the face of the industrial revolution. Let's face it; the companies designed by the Henry Fords of the world didn't care much what people thought of them. Henry is even attributed with the quote, "check your brains at the gate" because he wanted people to do as they were told and not mess up the assembly line. This worked really well to get consistency, scale, and efficiency (then) but has some serious downsides for organizations that depend on knowledge, creativity, and communication (now).

Fast forward, about 100 years. We're beyond the Industrial Age and smack in the middle of the Idea Economy. And when you are dealing with people (not machines) to generate value, it's a good idea to adjust our language and get better terms to describe how humans behave while working together.

According to Marshall Goldsmith, the guru of the executive coaching world, there are only two problems with negative feedback: 1.) People don't want to hear it, and 2.) People don't want to give it. Well isn't that a pickle! I think he's totally right, and you should check out his book, What Got You Here Won't Get You There, it's full of great tips. He makes great points about successful people getting stuck on their own success and no longer being interested in feedback.

But, I think there's a small (okay, really big) other problem in the equation. Feedback is not a human word; it's a machine word. So even Marshall Goldsmith thinks the word should be different so he coined, "feed forward" (Pardon me, and I mean no disrespect here, but "eeeeew!").

So here's another analysis of feedback. There's only one problem with feedback: it doesn't describe what successful people do. Successful people are curious. In fact, they are addicted to curiosity. They never stop asking questions and they use what they find out to learn and grow. Being curious is an easy thing to imagine yourself doing. Being concerned about doing a good job, helping others, and making a difference in the world comes naturally to most of us because that’s one of the fundamental strengths of being human.

Here are some examples of questions curious people ask: What do you think? How can we make these things happen? Do you have any suggestions for how I could be more successful? Curiosity is something that is innate to all of us. But there is a set of skills to develop. Curiosity is an attitude, a mindset, a drive. Being effective at asking good questions that elicit good advice from others might take some practice... but it's fun because you discover a pile of cool ideas and make new friends along the way.

So here are the basics... First, recognize that you can be curious along a spectrum, from immediate to long term, and the types of questions you might ask are different for each end of the spectrum. Immediate curiosity is "in the moment" and long-term curiosity is more reflective and periodic. So, in the moment, you ask very specific questions and explore options for next steps for each specific situation. Then occasionally, you step back to see if you are making progress toward a longer-term goal by asking questions about patterns in your experience.

Second, when you are asking a question, it's very helpful to those around you if you express a desired state, goal, or intent. This helps your collaborators know how to narrow their suggestions and give you more valuable input. It also ensures that the advice you get is aligned with where you want to go. As the saying goes, “if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” Without some intention, you tend to get such a broad array of input from others that it isn’t helpful.

Finally, recognize that sometimes, people are quite shy about sharing their thoughts because they aren't sure why you really need their advice, and there’s some social risk in their sharing critical opinions. What if you get offended and your relationship is damaged by their critique? What if they get a reputation for being a jerk? Or perhaps they haven't noticed any issues with your approach, and they can't think of anything to offer. So it's very helpful to provide an invitation to the discussion. This serves as an opening in your own thinking and encourages others to offer more than a platitude like "looks good!"

Haven’t you heard this before: “How am I doing?” “Fine!” This is not a valuable learning exchange, and the burden to improve it is on the asker of the question, not the provider of the answer. Curiosity drives you to a more involved exploration. If you really want to know how you are doing, you have to help someone share his/her opinion in a sequence of steps that lead to a meaningful exchange:

1. Express intent (I'm trying to...)

1. Disclose a concern (but I'm concerned that...)

1. Invite input (can you help with this?)

1. Explore with curiosity (how would you do it?)

Do this with several people and you'll have a rich set of ideas to help you make good decisions and accomplish your goals.

Three questions for better feedback

The burden of gathering feedback falls on you not the provider. Increase the value and specificity of what people tell you with better questions. Behave like a four year old and ask “why, why, why, why?” to get underneath surface level generalities and find valuable opinions and ideas from others that help you grow.

Be curious, persistent, and grateful in the process.

Priority and Purpose

Am I working on the right things? Ask your manager, colleagues, clients about the work priorities. Ask your spouse, parents, friends about fit with your life.

Invite Advice

How would you approach this kind of work? Gather advice from all perspectives and review the input for unexpected ideas, patterns of agreement, and even patterns of disagreement. Follow up with another round of questions to get advice on the patterns.

Seek Critique

Is the work I’m doing of high quality?

Is the way I’m behaving producing the best results?